Finding Passion (Colorado Veterans Book 3) Read online

  I thought being stationed on the USNS Comfort, the Naval hospital ship, in the middle of ocean for the last year was torture, but I was wrong. Being in the same town with my daughter and not being allowed to see her is worse. Learning that my marriage is over after my husband has left me for another woman is also pretty shitty. I drain another glass of wine and refill.

  I should have known something was up. Thinking about it now I realize there were a couple of red flags during the course of this year, but because I’m loyal and dedicated to my family, this scenario never crossed my mind.

  Them not returning to Norfolk for my homecoming should have been the last in a line of obvious clues, but Ron said he didn’t want to pull Thea out of school for a week since she was finally adjusted. Even though they’d never missed a homecoming on the pier before, I still didn’t question it. I was sad, but I also understood. Besides, I knew I wouldn’t have much time to spend with them there because I had a bunch of paperwork to do and hoops to jump through so that I could finish my naval career.

  I’ve always been proud of my service, even planned to do a full 20 years, but after Thea was born my priorities changed. It was too hard to be away from her for months at a time. It seemed like I was missing her childhood. Ron pushed me to continue and get the 20 years since I’d made it through 17 of those already, but I knew I was missing out. I also knew I didn’t want to risk deployment to a combat zone if we ended up in another war. I’d already done two deployments at Camp Bastion hospital in Afghanistan and seen the worst injuries imaginable while operating on the most horrific traumas combat could produce. Some of those things will never leave the depths of my memory and I don’t need more to add to it.

  It wasn’t like I was going to be jobless. I could be a surgeon anywhere—not just in the military—and the pay and benefits would be better. I promised Ron that when I got out we could move to Colorado to his hometown since he’d followed me wherever my career took us for all these years. So while I was deployed this last time, Ron sold our house in Norfolk and moved us to Colorado Springs. He argued that it would be easier for Thea to adjust to a new school if she went when all the other kids were transitioning to middle school too.

  Realizing this was probably true I agreed. But because he did it while I was deployed I wouldn’t even know what my new house looks like if it weren’t for the week I came back here. Thea’s adjustment to school here was not what Ron thought it would be and the struggle was so bad that I took leave and flew home for a week in the fall. That’s the only time I’ve been in Colorado Springs, other than to visit my in-laws a few times over the years. Now I’m stuck here in a town I’m not familiar with while my husband and daughter build a life with another woman.

  I finish off the bottle of wine and stare at the ceiling from my place on the couch, wondering how this happened to me. It doesn’t take long before I fall asleep with the tears still rolling down my cheeks.

  The pounding on my door wakes me from a wine-induced, drunken sleep. I’d say “hangover,” but it’s possible I’m still drunk. The noise is too loud and makes my head hurt more. “Stop with the banging already,” I grumble as I peek through the peephole and find Mike on my doorstep. I fling the door open and throw myself into his arms. My legs feel the draft first since I’m only in a flimsy cotton nightgown and it’s still early spring in Colorado.

  “Val. It’s cold outside and you barely have clothes on. Let me get in the door.” He releases me, lifts his duffel onto his shoulder and follows me inside. As soon as I lock the door behind him, he drops his bag and turns to me with outstretched arms so I can fold right into them.

  “How did you get here?” I ask.

  “I flew. Took the red-eye. There’s no way I could function knowing you’re dealing with this alone.”

  I love my brother so much. The tears come fast and hard. He strokes my ratty hair and holds me tight. “I called Summer. She’ll be here tomorrow. You don’t have to face this alone, Jellybean. We’re gonna take care of you.”

  “I don’t know what to do. My husband left me and my baby doesn’t want me. Even she wants Sheila. What’s so great about her?” I probably sound like a five-year-old the way I’m whining.

  “Did you ask Thea that?”

  “No. I didn’t get a chance. He grounded her last week, taking her cell phone and computer and I told you what he said about seeing her last night.” Realizing again that I’ve been home almost a whole day now and haven’t seen her has me crying so hard that I can’t breathe.

  “Come on, you’re stronger than this. He thought you’d come home and put up with whatever he said because you’ve been gone and you’ve always been so sweet. He hasn’t seen Valerie the fighter in a long time. In fact, it’s possible he’s never seen her. But I have. I know you have that fire in your belly. You will see Thea today if I have to call the cops to make it happen. That rat bastard will not stand in the way or I’ll shoot him myself.”

  “I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

  “Do you want to see your daughter?”

  I nod and sniffle.

  “Then get a shower, brush those teeth and get something to eat. I’m going to have a few words with Ron. I’ll be back in an hour and I’ll have Thea with me or he’ll be on his way to the morgue.”

  “Mike—”

  “Don’t start, Jellybean. You were serving our country. Now he’s moving on? He’s an asshole! But I don’t give a damn about him. It’s you that matters. You deserve to see and hold your daughter, and Thea deserves to know that you won’t roll over and let some other woman become her mother. Now, please, do what I said.” He wiggles his fingers at me, palm up, saying, “I need the keys to your car.”

  He’s absolutely right; this is why I called him. I need someone who loves me and who’s on my side to help me navigate this mess. I’m too shocked by the whole thing to think clearly.

  An hour and 20 minutes later, Mike shows up with Thea. When they walk through the door, I realize she’s grown a couple of inches since I saw her last. She’s hanging back like she’s shy or doesn’t want to be here. My heart clenches. God, please don’t let her be against me. I won’t let Sheila have her too. Thea’s head dips forward to avoid eye contact and her shoulder length, honey hair swings forward covering her face. She fidgets a little and clasps her hands together, like she’s not sure what to do. I hate Ron and Sheila for their selfish behavior and for making my daughter hide behind her hair to avoid me.

  Mike is the first to speak. “Ron and I had to have a few… words. He didn’t agree with my decision to bring her here. It may have gotten a little awkward for her.” He nods toward Thea to indicate he’s talking about her.

  “Please tell me the cops aren’t going to show up.”

  “No, they won’t. Ron finally saw things my way after a few heated words and maybe a threat or two. He has no right to keep her from you and I made that clear.”

  Screw this, even if Thea doesn’t want to see me, she needs to know that I love her and want to see her. I pull her in close. It takes Thea a few seconds before she finally wraps her arms around me and I can’t help the tears that flow as I feel her squeeze my middle.

  “God, I’ve missed you, Muffin. More than you’ll ever know.” I hold her tight, for as long as she’ll let me. When she pulls away, I see tears in her eyes too. “I’m sorry Uncle Mike had to come get you, but we thought it was best. Dad said I needed to wait until the weekend, but I couldn’t. I’ve dreamed of seeing you every day since the last time we were together, so there was no way I could wait.”

  Thea shifts uncomfortably and looks at the floor and I feel a little sick. What if she hates me? I plaster a fake smile on my face and ask, “How long until you have to go back to your dad’s?”

  She glances back at my brother, who’s still standing by the door with his arms crossed over his chest, watching this whole thing play out.

  “I kind of have plans with my friends tonight. Dad said I wasn’t seeing you until this
weekend so…”

  “You aren’t grounded from going out?”

  She shakes her head and replies, “No, just from my phone and computer; he took them away when we were moving. He said I was on them too much.”

  It’s obvious Ron was trying to make sure she had no way to contact me and that pisses me off, but I’m encouraged that she’s not going right back out the door.

  “Okay, I can work with that. Can we hang out and have an early dinner? I’ll take you to meet your friends when we’re done? Is that okay?”

  She looks a little surprised. “You’re okay with that?”

  “Yes, honey. I want to be part of your life, not take over. I realize you have friends and activities and school. I just want as much time as you can give me. I don’t have a job yet so I have all the time in the world and can work around your schedule.” The tentative smile she shares shows me there’s hope, and I wonder what kind of lies and exaggerations Sheila and Ron have been feeding her.

  My brother and I spend the afternoon talking and playing cards with Thea. I’m so thankful Mike came, not just to help me figure this out, but to be a buffer too. He’s funny and his brand of humor loosened her up more quickly than if it were just us. There were a lot of smiles, but it got dicey when I brought up making plans to go see a movie. She squirmed in her chair and stammered a little when she told me that she already had plans with her dad and Sheila to see the movie. I realized then that my relationship with Thea is going to be more difficult than it should be with Sheila so entrenched in her life.

  At the end of the day, I drop Thea off at the movie theater with her friends and tell her I’ll pick her up on Saturday morning. Not seeing her for three more days, while I’m this close, makes me feel a little ill, but I’ll have to suck it up. At least, I’ll have Mike and Summer to help me get through the next few days. When they go home, I have no idea what I’m going to do.

  Chapter Two

  Valerie

  It’s been six months and I’m not in a better place emotionally or productively with this divorce business. Not because I’m still wishing I had Ron back, but because Ron has found new ways to make my life hell. Divorce is not quick or easy to begin with, but Ron has found every way possible to make it worse. How I missed his mean-spirited ways when we were together I don’t know. Looking back, there were little warning signs, but I was so busy with school and clinicals and then deployment, I guess there wasn’t time to listen to Ron’s petty bullshit. To be fair to me though he kept that mostly to himself or shared it with friends. One year his brother decided to skip the family Christmas and take his kids to Jamaica instead and Ron pitched a nasty fit going so far as to withhold his niece’s and nephew’s Christmas presents, not sending them till May. I thought it was a dick move then, but I was leaving on deployment two days after Christmas and not in a position to argue or mail the gifts myself. That’s the kind of petty and cruel stuff Ron’s capable of.

  Of course, considering Thea is the prize in this scenario Ron has upped his game to a higher level of asshole and I agree she’s worth the fight, but I can’t figure out why he wouldn’t want his daughter to have her mother even a little bit. It’s what’s best for the child. I’d never try to cut Ron out, even knowing what a bastard he is, because I understand she needs her father.

  In his latest ploy to get full custody of her he told the judge that I was an unfit mother due to the PTSD. I haven’t had PTSD symptoms since before I deployed on the Comfort. He must have paid less attention to me than I thought because I have proof; I’ve had counseling and was released from treatment two years ago. Since I don’t want to leave anything to chance I contacted a local counselor named Dave and have started seeing him. Although neither he nor I think the counseling is necessary for PTSD it has turned out to be helpful in dealing with a whole new life that includes both military-to-civilian transition and divorce with a nasty ex. Luckily the counselor is an ex-Marine and understands a multitude of things I’ve gone through and has been a great listener and source of support.

  On top of it all, Ron is pushing me to sell the house so we can split the profit, and although there isn’t much considering he bought it a year and half ago, there’s still something and he wants to get his greedy hands on it. I found a job about two months ago as a general surgeon at the veterans’ hospital and I love it. The people are friendly and diverse and being in an operating room is calming for me. I can control most of the variables and I’m fully trained to deal with any alternate scenarios that arise, unlike life in general, where I feel lost most of the time since I’ve come home.

  I wish I’d had the option to go back home to Tampa when I got out. I miss the sun, the sand, the heat and most of all I miss my family. We’re close in a way many families aren’t and Ron screwed me by moving here. He knew I’d long for the comfort of Florida but be stuck here because I can’t leave Thea. My parents begged me to move home, but I couldn’t and eventually, with the help of my brothers, they finally understood that if I left I’d likely only see Thea twice a year.

  I stand here ready to put the finishing touches on my lipstick and I wonder if I should call my friend Joyce and cancel. Why did I let her talk me into taking her seat at the homeless veterans’ shelter benefit where I’ll know no one? That’s never been a problem for me, considering I talk to people I don’t know every day for work, but social situations are different and I’m way out of practice. I can’t remember the last time I was out with friends or doing something that didn’t pertain to work or Thea. Joyce said that I’d be sitting at the table with two other couples and a friend of theirs, all of whom she promised are ‘very nice.’ When I explained that I didn’t want to be set up on a date, thinking of the extra person at the table, she laughed and said, “You have nothing to worry about. Once you meet Marv you’ll understand why I said that. He’s not the sort of man who’s looking to be set up and he’s much older than you are.”

  I wasn’t sure if I should believe her since I’ve only known her for a couple of months, but I don’t have much choice since I already accepted the invitation. Joyce is the director of Veterans Coping Together, or VCT, an organization I started volunteering for on my days off when I don’t have Thea.

  After talking myself into and out of going several times while I stood in the bathroom, I finally forced myself to go to the event. This is a classy affair held at a local country club. We’re talking $100 plates, black tie and diamonds galore. These people have serious money, but I guess if you’re looking for big donations this is the crowd you go to. When I arrive at my assigned table I’m pleasantly surprised to find everyone at my table already seated. Although we’re all dressed up and they’re younger than I am, I can tell we come from the same socio-economic class and it’s not the same as the rest of the people in this room. The one empty chair at the table is next to a much older gentleman who has obviously seen better days. He’s in a nice suit and tie and has his hair washed and slicked back but the wrinkles around his eyes and mouth are more pronounced, his skin is leathery and his smile has a few more holes than most. This is definitely Marv.

  When I step up to the table all the men stand to greet me while Marv pulls my chair out for me. The lady to my right with the purple and turquoise streaks in her hair flashes me a brilliant smile and holds out her hand to shake. “Hi, I’m Marina and this is my husband, Dex.” He tips his chin toward me, giving me a half smile but says nothing. “Marv is the man who pulled out your seat.” I turn and shake his hand and note the calloused dry feeling of them. Next she turns to a lovely brunette. “This is Quinn, my husband’s partner—they’re both police officers—and that’s her husband, Judson.” I shake both of their hands and introduce myself.

  “Joyce told us you were coming. I was hoping you didn’t chicken out. Sometimes being new is so hard.” I can’t help but grin at her. Either Joyce told her what my concerns were or she’s just the type to understand. Dex stands and leans into his wife, “I’m going to get you a fresh drink, do
you want the same thing?” She nods and he kisses the back of her neck in an innocent yet intimate way that causes me to blush and glance away. Ron never did sweet little gestures like that, not even in the beginning.

  “Valerie, what would you like to drink?” I look back, surprised by the offer. I don’t know why I’m surprised considering all the men at this table seem to have impeccable manners, but I am a little. “Merlot would be lovely, thank you.” He tips his head to me, kisses her neck in the same spot and strides away.

  I can’t help but watch him as he goes. Dex is tall and well-built, with shoulders that could probably hold the weight of the world. Marina giggles next to me and when I realize she caught me staring at her husband, I’m mortified. It’s unlike me to gawk like that.

  “Don’t be embarrassed. If he weren’t my husband I’d still stare.”

  I laugh a little and confess, “I just don’t think I’ve seen anyone that tall with shoulders that broad. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.”

  “Oh, Lord, no! I didn’t take it that way. Besides, if I got upset every time someone looked at him like that I’d never be happy. Let’s face it, Dex is H.O.T.—hot. The funny part is I knew him when we were young and he was short and scrawny back then. Sometime after the age of 17 he grew into that.” She winks at me and I laugh some more. When I look back around the table Quinn is laughing and Judson is looking at Marv, both are shaking their heads like they can’t believe they’re caught up in this conversation.

  “Come on, Marv, let’s go get a drink. My ears can’t take anymore,” Judson says and Marv mumbles something under his breath as the men leave us at the table.